Transformation 2

Life is always changing and oddly enough so is this blog.

What started out as a health venture quickly changed to an avenue in which I decided that I would release my inner poet. With the shocking news of a new bundle of joy to grace the world......I guess its changing again!

MOTHERHOOD!!!! AHHHHHHHH (I'd continue but after a while it'd just be redundant) there have been so many thoughts dying to escape my cranium these last few months that I honestly have no idea where to begin. I don't know where the thoughts begin or end or when life will make sense again. So I decided that I will do what I do when life doesn't make sense. Write. At least jot random emotions into the universe until there is room for my sanity again.

But I've been scouring the web looking for answers to questions I don't know exist and still came up empty, so maybe my heart is simply on overload and doesn't know what ask.

So here is my petition to the universe of moms and moms-to-be.....Where do I go from here?

Nothing

I’ve run out of words.
I sit and look at nothingness.
I look at my heart and there is nothing…
There is nothing.

Everything that I could have said has already been said before.
Everything that I should have written has been written.
There is “nothing new under the sun.”
The sun has eclipsed the moon and left me sitting in front of a blank page.
Sitting in front of a blank page.

I wait for the right words to hit me. For the pen gods to smile favorably on my hands and create some poetic **** that shakes me back to life.

So I sit waiting.
Typing.
Writing nothing.

You said “you can get anywhere
from anywhere.”
Why am I still here?
Why am I still empty?
Why won’t the right words come?
Why can’t I write?

There is nothing sitting in front of a blank page writing nothing.

Faceless

The woman without a face in a sea of people fighting to be seen, wanting only her voice to be heard. Silent tears decorate a pretty face written by a common perception of what's supposed to be. Adorned in the garmets of royalty yet feelings of worthlessness shout songs of woe. Opening her mouth she begins to speak with her hands but no one seems to understand. Lost in a world where looks can kill and words tell a story she will never hear...their lies a woman whose words must be heard through a man who yet lives a story he can only half see spoken through the eyes of a woman in a sea of people fighting to be seen with beauty etched in those who choose to see the faceless woman inside of me.

Silence

*My First Poem*

No one is speakingNot a thing can be heardNo echoes or childrenMutter a wordLife's always so busyNever once been this wayI can't get used to the silenceNot everydayBut for a long timeThings have been this wayI haven't heard a thingAnd I can't take this, todayMy mother looks worried She won't say it but it shows in her faceShe's getting down on her kneesI think she's praying for graceI'm tired of the silenceIts driving me wildI can't take this anymore I'm only a childMy mother finally speaksNot the conventional wayAnd the words that she writesHave blown me awayI read the paper much to my unbeliefI can't believe what I seeIt's not the world that went silentBut rather it's me

Dissipation

Sensation generating like a stalled motor beginning to purr or a roast simmering to tenderized perfection. The initial inception of what began as two and merged into one grows less intense as the seconds chase the minutes and the minutes follow the hours. As the hours transfuse the day and days turn into night and nights into weeks, the weeks confront the years and what began in euphoria slowly digressed into ambivalence. To possess disdain as low as the bottom of the titanic and experience nostalgic withdrawls; the utterance of your name renders me dependent on whats left of our present state of dissipation.

Love Circle

Wordless exploration of a love lived Where kisses cause amnesia Hugs stop time Touch elicits utopia And sex transcends the human bodys realm of consciousness Igniting senses yet to b discovered classified or named Creating a cathartic experience indigenous to the gods A love where physical connection is a suppressed desire And cerebral stimulation excites the mind and sends the vertebrae lining my spin into analeptic shock Where the spiritual being can manifest and revel in the God of another and one can push the other to go deeper by growing deeper in their relationship with God thus strengthening their relationship with one another A love where the beginning is the end so we sleep to wake up just to do it all over again.

The Induction

Adrenaline rushing through the openings of the veins. Oxygen struggling to enter and leave the body with each passing breath. Cerebellum engaged as penetration occurs and looses thoughts previously bound by obligation. Obligations that don’t fit the situation or the expectation and cause single party rulers to employ celebration. Celebration that was unexpected but not regretted in honor of a cause that one cannot identify. While temperature steadily rises and the wind speed increases and then slows. Generating perspiration that condescends and creates an unparallel oxymoronic environment in which cold sweat thrives. Striving to reach the level of elation that words cannot portray creating an inner fulfillment that only the soul knew existed. Igniting requests that unconsciously longed to be obtained and now because of silence undoubtedly remain.

Como El Viento

The blue engulfs my body and takes me back to that time and that place......where no was right and yes was wrong but the truth wouldnt speak loud enough for me to care. Deeper yet and deeper still until my body is completely saturated by the cold of the blue and my mind revisits where I was and how long I had been there....My thought took hold of the shape i was in and the company I kept that never seemed to be there....I stood in the cold blue and anger crept up beside me to keep me warm.....a foreigner seven times removed that always seems to find its way back....I stood in the cold blue unable to be warmed by my oldest and dearest companion...I stood in the coldness of the blue until I could stand no longer...I sank....I sank....I sank....It felt like an eternity had passed but in retrospect it happened like a kiss of the wind

Star Kissed

The mind shivers and the body quakes, engaging in thoughts that paralyze the senses; and leave me at your mercy. Visions of two merge into one invigorating union and the mere notion leaves me quivering in ecstasy. Sweat beads on my tongue, the heat of passion near, a familiar smile, a warm embrace; our lips long to share the secret. All of a sudden a slight penetration is progressively increased and a little of me is made common to you as one engulfs the other in exchange for a most consecrated union. Rhythmic motions steer the course as we strive not to chase but keep a steady pace and move together or not at all.

When two Met three

Lost in the fullness of you. Taking no thought of tomorrow for the unparallel high of today.Thrusting the heart of me at your feet to be trampled by the unrequited love you long to give. All of me and some of you,all of me and some of you. Will the piece of you that remainsbe enough to sustain? The love you longed to keep now resides within me for the piece you chose to give will forever remain...a part of me a part of you. The heart I longed for brings great sorrow.I gave you love.You gave me life.

Exhortation of the Esoteric mind

I was filled with emotIONS that just continued to flow...Words I dare not thing for fear the truth would be exposed and things I once kept hidden will be told. Repressed conceptION. multiple injectIONs. Torn contraceptION and open deceptION. Refusing to be bound by societies stereotype and break free of that crippling hype. Lifeless penetratION. mundane separatION. Standing in adornments to enjoy this maturatION and disregard a life of prostitutION in exchange for consistent attributION. Blatant manipulatION. Unnecessary frustratION coupled with miscommunicatION is no longer valid compensatION. TODAY as I stand here and make this public declaratION of my new foundatION your reign over me has entered eliminatION. You can kindly save your interrogatION for the end of this confrontatION, because in a spirit of coopertION I offer only this eplanatION: I am God's greatest creatION! Humbly do I bind the damnatION of your admiratION that you place on my elevatION. ProcrastinatION. Hidden discriminatION and requested aberratION will hence forth now and forevermore remain in negatION.For educatION will serve as my liberatION from life's temptatION by which I embrace my salvatION.

Know Me

Standing at the edge of the bank I watch with pleasant solitude hovering over the sea Life behind me Death before me Peace nipping at my soles I step further into the sea, her call beckoning me Where art thou, doth she whisper Cometh unto thee Her words so sweet Her touch so all consuming Every inch of me Warm enchanting ecstacy I race forward dying to lose myself in the all encompassing sea Losing myself to surrender helplessly at her mercy Dying to see the bittersweet look of satisfaction knowing that she has known me

Negro Hair

I’ve got Negro hair
Hair that’s flowing
Black and true and
Sometimes it’s hard to
Get a comb through
My roots are strong
And oh so thick
They tell of my heritage
From a past that’s rich
Rich with torture
Heartache and pain
And endless struggle
Reflecting no gain
Every six weeks
I Straighten my hair
Because the napes come back
And make people stare…
What can I say?
I’ve got Negro hair
Hair that’s straightened to
Look its best
And always puts my
Beautician’s skills to the test
My hair is short
And sometimes won’t grow
But man invented weave
So others won’t know.
Hair that sheds
And sometimes flakes
And makes it impossible
To wear black on dates
I’VE GOT NEGRO HAIR
From my ROOTs to the ENDs
Hair so STRONG it can make
An UNBREAKABLE comb bend
You think that it’s funny
The way I talk about my hair
BUT my ROOTs don’t LYE
So touch ‘em if you DARE!!

The Whole World Waits

Everything I wrote came from within. These are the compilations of my thoughts flowing from my skin. Emanating from my mind the innermost secrets of my heart and you have the nerve to tell me that it’s okay for me to start. You think this is video game and there is an on and off button. Well you just have to wait because I’m a glutton for my words. Letters coming together to form words, words make sentences; sentences breathe stanzas all dripping from my finger tips waiting to run from my lips…But not today. Maybe when I’ve had a little bit more time to craft my thoughts and rearrange the words to make the verbs to make more sense. What if my voice doesn’t match what I have to say and they people don’t receive it in the right way. Then my words have just become sounds and the sounds don’t make sense and my heart gets lost in translation and there’s no taxation without representation but my reputation is lost…and my art is a joke all because I choked on the words my heart tried to speak but couldn’t because they didn’t match the voice of my heart when I tried to start singing the words that were buried between my fingertips but didn’t quite reach my lips. So please bear with me as I contemplate shaking the grounds of fate, I simply ask that you sit quietly and just wait…